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NPR Life Kit's advice column In NPR's advice column, Life Kit finds experts to answer your most pressing and personal questions.
The words "Dear" in cursive over the Life Kit logo. A pigeon sits on the Life Kit logo holding an envelope in its mouth. The frame is surrounded by a collage of letters, paper and stamps.
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Dear Life Kit

Dear Life Kit: My brother-in-law is incarcerated. When should I tell my kids?
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Dear Life Kit: My brother-in-law is incarcerated. When should I tell my kids?

My brother-in-law was convicted of murder and is serving a life sentence. We haven't shared any of these details with our kids, ages 7 and 9. When should we tell our children where he is and what he did?

Dear Life Kit: My brother-in-law is incarcerated. When should I tell my kids?

Listen · 12:24
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Dear Life Kit: My group chat is toxic
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Dear Life Kit: My group chat is toxic

In college, I became close with a diverse friend group. Years later, we still stay in touch via text. Some people rely on our group to manage their anxiety. The norm in the group is to reassure whoever is most upset, even when that person is wrong.

Dear Life Kit: My group chat is toxic

Listen · 11:05
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Dear Life Kit: I'm happily married but hate our sex life. Should I ask for a divorce?
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Life Kit

Dear Life Kit: I'm happily married but hate our sex life. Should I ask for a divorce?

I've been in a loving relationship with my husband for years. We're incredibly compatible except for our sex life. The sex started off great, became less interesting over the years, and now it's non-existent. I'm considering divorce even though the rest of our relationship is fine. Initiating a divorce feels cruel, but I also feel like I'm settling and watching time slip away.

Dear Life Kit: I'm happily married but hate our sex life. Should I ask for a divorce?

Listen · 11:26
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Dear Life Kit: My parents pay my tuition. Do I have to show them my grades?
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Dear Life Kit: My parents pay my tuition. Do I have to show them my grades?

If your parents pay for your college, do they have a right to demand to see your grades? Berna Anat, the author of Money Out Loud, shares advice on defining financial expectations and boundaries.

Dear Life Kit: My parents pay my tuition. Do I have to show them my grades?

Listen · 13:02
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Dear Life Kit: My boyfriend's relationship with his coworker makes me uncomfortable
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Dear Life Kit: My boyfriend's relationship with his coworker makes me uncomfortable

My partner is constantly texting his former coworker and even spent the night at her house. He says they're just friends, but I don't like it. How can I trust him when he ignores my boundaries?

Dear Life Kit: My boyfriend's relationship with his coworker makes me uncomfortable

Listen · 12:43
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Dear Life Kit: My boyfriend's parents pay for everything. It makes me uncomfortable
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Dear Life Kit: My boyfriend's parents pay for everything. It makes me uncomfortable

She loves her boyfriend's parents, but their generosity feels inappropriate. Maya Lau, host of the podcast Other People's Pockets, weighs in on how to move forward.

Dear Life Kit: My boyfriend's parents pay for everything. It makes me uncomfortable

Listen · 11:53
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Dear Life Kit: Do I have to listen to my boss complain?
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Dear Life Kit: Do I have to listen to my boss complain?

An employee struggles to cope with her boss's constant oversharing and negativity. Journalist and host of the podcast Work Appropriate Anne Helen Petersen shares advice for establishing boundaries ... with your boss.

Dear Life Kit: Do I have to listen to my boss complain?

Listen · 13:27
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Dear Life Kit: My husband is living under COVID lockdown. I'm ready to move on
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Opinion

Dear Life Kit: My husband is living under COVID lockdown. I'm ready to move on

Three years into the pandemic, one spouse is ready to lift lockdown. The other? Not so much. Epidemiologist and science communicator Jessica Malaty Rivera shares ideas on finding compromise and managing a risk budget.

Dear Life Kit: My husband is living under COVID lockdown. I'm ready to move on

Listen · 11:54
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Dear Life Kit: My 10-year-old bullies my 8-year-old. How do I make it stop?
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Dear Life Kit: My 10-year-old bullies my 8-year-old. How do I make it stop?

​A sister relentlessly picks on her brother despite their mom's best attempt to make peace between them. Psychologist Becky Kennedy shares advice with a parent who feels out of ideas — and patience.

Dear Life Kit: My 10-year-old bullies my 8-year-old. How do I make it stop?

Listen · 11:19
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Dear Life Kit: I'm tired of my boyfriend's lack of ambition — and his gaming habit
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Dear Life Kit: I'm tired of my boyfriend's lack of ambition — and his gaming habit

Can you successfully motivate someone else to change? Clinical psychologist Jody Adewale shares advice with a letter writer feels put off by her partner's lack of direction.

Dear Life Kit: I'm tired of my boyfriend's lack of ambition — and his gaming habit

Listen · 11:03
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Dear Life Kit: We bought a dog instead of rescuing one. It cost me a friend
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Opinion

Dear Life Kit: We bought a dog instead of rescuing one. It cost me a friend

An ideological difference over adopting versus shopping for a pet causes a rift between friends. Tania Israel, a professor of psychology, shares advice about how to have difficult conversations with people you care about.

Dear Life Kit: We bought a dog instead of rescuing one. It cost me a friend

Listen · 11:09
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Dear Life Kit: My folks guilt-trip me into spending the holidays with them
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Dear Life Kit: My folks guilt-trip me into spending the holidays with them

Between long-held traditions, unfair expectations and clashing personalities, the holidays can be a perfect storm for conflict. Therapist John Kim helps untangle three holiday conundrums.

Dear Life Kit: My folks guilt-trip me into spending the holidays with them

Listen · 11:59
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Dear Life Kit: I uninvited my sister-in-law from our wedding. Was that wrong of me?
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Dear Life Kit: I uninvited my sister-in-law from our wedding. Was that wrong of me?

The bride said she was "pissed" because her future sister-in-law was bringing two unauthorized guests. Rachel Wilkerson Miller, editor-in-chief of Self magazine, explains how to smooth things over.

Dear Life Kit: I uninvited my sister-in-law from our wedding. Was that wrong of me?

Listen · 10:55
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Dear Life Kit: My son didn't ask his brother to be his best man. Should I speak up?
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Dear Life Kit: My son didn't ask his brother to be his best man. Should I speak up?

A mother debates whether she should talk to the groom about the issue. Catherine Newman, an etiquette columnist for Real Simple magazine, gives her advice.

Dear Life Kit: My son didn't ask his brother to be his best man. Should I speak up?

Listen · 11:33
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Dear Life Kit: I cared for our dad. Now my greedy siblings want the inheritance
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Dear Life Kit: I cared for our dad. Now my greedy siblings want the inheritance

She cared for her stepdad through illness and death. Now she's disheartened that her siblings only seem to care about the inheritance. Financial therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin weighs in.

Dear Life Kit: I cared for our dad. Now my greedy siblings want the inheritance

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Dear Life Kit: My parents ran a background check on my partner. How can I trust them?
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Dear Life Kit: My parents ran a background check on my partner. How can I trust them?

A daughter tries to rebuild trust with her parents after they secretly ran a background check on her boyfriend. Therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab shares insight on how to move forward.

Dear Life Kit: My parents ran a background check on my partner. How can I trust them?

Listen · 10:26
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Dear Life Kit: My husband wrote an 80-chapter book. Do I have to read it?
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Dear Life Kit: My husband wrote an 80-chapter book. Do I have to read it?

What's more, the letter writer hates her husband's writing style. Should she bite the bullet and read his novel? Or can she pass? Family therapist Kiaundra Jackson offers her two cents.

Dear Life Kit: My husband wrote an 80-chapter book. Do I have to read it?

Listen · 8:57
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Dear Life Kit: My dad's wife died and he won't leave the house. What do I do?
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Dear Life Kit: My dad's wife died and he won't leave the house. What do I do?

Psychotherapist David Defoe offers advice to a letter writer who is concerned about how to help their grieving father.

Dear Life Kit: My dad's wife died and he won't leave the house. What do I do?

Listen · 10:39
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Dear Life Kit: My co-worker posted a terrible review about me! Should I tell our boss?
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Dear Life Kit: My co-worker posted a terrible review about me! Should I tell our boss?

A secretary asks if she should tattle-tale on a colleague who wrote an anonymous negative review about her. Career coach and HR professional Shanita Williams weighs in on the conundrum.

Dear Life Kit: My co-worker posted a terrible review about me! Should I tell our boss?

Listen · 11:09
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